Pauline Hanson's One Nation: No burkhas, except in Parliament. No foreign money in Australian politics, except $20M for One Nation so megacorporations can give our laws a nudge in their favour. Family values, which to them means telling strippers to dish out lap dances to old married white guys in One Nation. LAST.
Involuntary Medical Objectors: AKA the 'Polio First party'. Anti-vax. LAST
Liberal Party: you know these guys
The Greens: Trees, environment, taxes, social justice, climate change. Sing along if you know the chorus
Fraser Anning's Conservative national Party: Basically the pigs in Animal Farm. No Muslims, blacks, gays, Jews, freedom or other political parties. Ten minutes after seizing power, Blair Cottrell's at your door with the Brute Squad, asking if you would like to change your vote now or at the re-education spa on Manus. LAST
Pirate Party: Lots of policies, but big on freedom, transparency, drug decriminalisation and broadband. They're basically Lib Dems, but ACTUAL Lib Dems, not Leyonhjelms.
Labor Party: you know these guys
Western Australia Party: Some guys saying WA should keep all its GST, move federal agencies over here and just generally get a bigger share of federal money (i.e. all of it).
United Australia Party: Clive Palmer's latest scam. We've been here before: vote for this guy and you're basically voting for whatever random takes over when he gets bored and quits to make more fibreglass dinosaurs.
Help End Marijuana Prohibition Party: It's on the tin.
Australian Christians: 'Judeo-Christian values'. No porn, adultery, abortion, gays etc etc. Not sure where they send gays, adulterers etc, but I guess Manus?
Animal Justice Party: they want to protect kangaroos. All of them. I dunno, good if you really like kangaroos?
Australian Conservatives: Cory Bernardi and his Christian intolerance posse. They also like negative gearing, because young people don't want houses. Thank you, off you trot. LAST
Liberal Democrats: Interesting ideas, seemingly advocated by people who don't really believe them. Might have been good, but they went full Leyonhjelm.
Citizens’ Electoral Council: High speed rail between all capitals, nuclear instead of renewables, moratorium on mortgage foreclosures. Also, yeah, nationalise all natural resources. Maybe a tad ambitious
Shooters, Fishers and Farmers: Guns, garfish and grain I guess? Broadly conservative? Support ‘offshore processing for “illegal migrants”’, so maybe not just ‘broadly’ conservative. Don’t ask for their stance on same sex marriage, climate change or animal rights; good chance you might get to see what's under the 'I shoot and I vote' sticker.
Socialist Alliance: Like it says. Tired of being told to move to Venezuela. Enthusiastic, but kinda in denial about the inevitability of the Revolution. Perpetual optimists; worth a sympathy vote.
Great Australia Party: A handful of hopefuls limpeting on to what’s left of Rod Culleton after bankruptcy, One Nation and the AEC chewed him up. Zero substance, but some amusing political pantomime in its recent past.
Yellow Vest Australia: AKA the ‘Let’s see if we can get in on name recognition’ party. The French Yellow Vests are working/middle class folks, angry at economic injustice. The Australian version? It’s the rebadged ‘Australian Liberty Alliance’, just another anti-Islam incel circle jerk. LAST.
Health Australia party: Not reeeally an anti-vax party, but they’re anti-fluoride, anti pesticide, and anti-EM. That last one? 'Phone towers and wifi leak deadly radiation'. Kinda goofball, but sorta nice. So yeah, no future in politics. No room for nice.
The Nationals: You know these guys. Family values, but 'family' redefined as ‘wife two kids, secret wife’.
Sustainable Australia Party: some sort of progressive egalitarian crew. Cheaper uni, less benefits for pollies, slower population growth.
Flux Party: an ambitious but (I think) incredibly dangerous party. Every vote in Parliament is put to the people to vote on individually, via whatever tech is necessary to make it feasible to directly ‘vote’ every day. We’re not ready.
Australian Mental Health party: More Newstart, cheaper health care, better mental health services, simpler tax system. It wouldn't be the weirdest possible outcome if one of these guys got a seat, but things might get silly if you asked for their stance on anything but the price of ADHD pills.
